Senescent
by funky pink high top
Summary: *semi-sequel to Secluded and Obscured* Miranda has finally gotten what she wanted. But what happens when he doesn't want her? *FINALLY UPDATED*
1. White Picket Fences and Absent Longing

The neighborhood was a lazy sort of sunshine land, with lazy afternoons and white picket fences with long grass sticking out in odd places. Daffodils and daisies scattered the turf with white spots. I loved the way the sun kissed my skin and the way the sky just looked made for me. There was something charming about it now. Something about the slow time appealed to my weary eyes after the things I had seen.  
"I like it," I smiled, lacing my fingers in his.  
"I don't know," He said hesitantly, staring up at the peach house. "It's weird. I'd really like a house like Lizzie used to have..." I dropped his hand. There was her name again.  
Rarely did a moment dawn anymore that I didn't grasp her name in the air. Her name came off every loving breath between his lips, and I could hear it..I could feel it. The way my heart broke every time he uttered it..It was as though it was high school again. When I couldn't tell him how I felt. When he was dating her.  
I never thought it would happen. I never thought I'd be wearing Gordo's engagement ring on my finger, but I was. It glinted at me in the warm blanket of sunlight, almost teasingly. It was a lie. I knew it every day now.  
"Well, fine then. Let's look elsewhere," I slammed the car door as I got in. He seemed to miss the bitterness of my tone.  
"There was a nice white one, like Lizzie's, about a block away," He commented. "Let's go back." We had gone back to the house about five times. He said the same things every time. He commented on the fence's similarity, how the mailbox was practically the same, and how the lawn gnome had a familiar smirk. I nodded in agreement, slowly killing myself. My teeth had developed an automatic clench whenever I heard anything remotely like "Lizzie". It's funny how you can learn to hate someone who haven't heard from in ten years.  
"I bet she still lives in one like this, you know," He said happily. "Wouldn't it be funny if she visited us and saw how familiar the house is?"  
"Gordo!," I cried out finally, exasperated. "This IS Lizzie's old house! THAT'S why it looks so familiar!" I pointed towards the brass numbers nailed onto the door. I would never forget those numbers after the years I had spent running up to them.  
"No...it can't be..," He said uncertainly. "The curtains are different." I hit my forehead. For a smart guy, he can be really stupid sometimes.  
"Gordo; say it with me...ten YEARS," I grabbed his shoulders. "Ten freaking years! CURTAINS CHANGE!" I let him go and added quietly, "People change."  
"I'm sorry," He replied. "It's just..I can't believe it." His eyes wandered towards the FOR SALE sign in new meaning. "I wonder where they live now."  
"I don't," I said flatly, sick of the subject entirely.  
"Well...what do you think?"  
"About what?," I asked blankly.  
"About buying the house," He said as though it was obvious.  
"Lizzie's HOUSE?," My jaw dropped. How much more would I have to hear about her NOW?  
"Yeah," He said excitedly. "We already know it so well! It will be interesting." He grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes. "Please, Miranda?" God, those puppy dog eyes. When did he learn THAT?  
"We probably don't have enough money," I quickly thought. "I have no idea why we're even looking at houses, let alone houses in this area." I pulled him towards the car. "Come on..an apartment is fine." Anything to get away from her ghost. ANYTHING.  
"Of course we have enough. I've been saving money in a bank account since I was ten, remember? Come on..I've always dreamt of living in such a nice house," He stared at it admiringly. No, I thought bitterly. You always thought about living here with Lizzie.  
"I don't know."  
"Miranda," He looked at me. "Can you honestly say you don't love this house?" Yes. Hell yes.  
"No," I lied. "But it seems so weird and...wrong.." He looked at me with those hopeful eyes again. I sighed. "Fine. Whatever." He pulled me into a rough embrace. He WAS like a little puppy. What ever happened to Gordo? I sat in silence in the car, listening to my one and only babble on about another woman.  
Ever felt like you live a lie? Like the emotions are real, but fake at the same time? Have you ever competed with someone who isn't there?  
It gets harder and harder to get up each day and put up with another battle for Gordo's attention. I don't want to give him up. And I won't. I shall battle until my dying day just to call him my own.  
But he isn't. His heart still belongs to Lizzie, and I know it.  
Leaning against the leather seat, I wondered if I would ever be able live like this.  
~@~  
"We'll get the house, I know it," Gordo smiled as he waved good bye to me. I watched him drive away on the wet cement. Tiny, teasing drops of rain sprinkled everything gently. If only I could stop loving him.  
Holding on to Gordo was much like holding a butterfly in my hands. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to let him go. But I might just have to do that.  
I sorrowfully flicked on the lights of my apartment, letting it brighten cheerfully. I dropped my purse lazily on my bed and pulled on some pajamas, not really thinking. Thinking was painful now. I stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed a pint of ice cream out of the small freezer.  
Well, I thought reasonably. Even if I did tell Gordo to go after Lizzie, what good would it do? I silently recalled when Lizzie told me the truth.  
*"I just screwed myself into the ground with Gordo," I sighed, picking up the dropped J-14 and flipping through it. I glanced up at her. "Don't pretend not to be happy about it." I dropped the magazine. "Go ahead, take him. I don't care."  
" I don't want to go out with Gordo," She shifted uncomfortably.  
"What? Are you telling me you actually love Larry?," I teased.  
"No," She replied quietly.  
"Then who is this mystery love?," I questioned.  
"You," She whispered.*  
The memory was almost painful. I quickly shook my head stubbornly. I had managed to salvage my friendship with Lizzie, hadn't I? She couldn't possibly still feel that way..could she? The thought made me sick. I pushed the carton way, dropping the spoon on the table with a clatter.  
I couldn't think about it anymore. I climbed into my bed, letting the lonely space in my stomach be filled by the thoughts echoing.  
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A/N: So, what do you think so far? I'm not sure. This is promised to be a sad one, and it may or may not end happily. It's mainly about Miranda and Gordo's relationship "issues" and stuff like that. We're deciding at the moment. I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to the entire Shoe Sisterhood...I hope this turns out satisfactory! 


	2. Head and Heartaches

A/N: Wow. I can't believe my Shoe Sisterhood has reunited so quickly! I'm so happy now! I already have people to thank. You should've seen how surprised I was when I went on my screen name and my e-mail FWAPPED (that's what I call it; it's how I can tell I received mail) to show I had EIGHT E- MAILS. I only use that e-mail for fan fiction purposes, so I knew it was reviews or some very funky reviewers e-mailing me! HAPPINESS. Anyway, some of you (Heh, Heh, Heh..Nahima Tala, you sweetie!) reviewed Secluded and Obscured, so I'll slap a big thank you on you as well.  
Nahima Tala (My Boot): ::sniff:: Ms. Faithful returns! Very please. Yes, well, feel free to e-mail me (it is in my bio) so we can come together on something! Then again, I'll e-mail you. Sounds terrific. We sound do one of those groovy two-different-people's POV things. Like, you write one chapter in one person's point of view, and I write another in another person's point of view. Sounds fun, no? Angst-y stories rock pants. Ooh! I like that! PANTS. I like shoes better though. I've had this idea going for a while, and Secluded and Obscured was just what I needed to get my butt in gear! YAY FOR ME!! Well, yes, kisses, my sister!  
Hiddenwriter: E-gads! A newbie-like substance! Hello. I think I like your stories, if I remember reading them..I do, but I might be confusing them with something...Oh, well, no matter, I'm sure I liked them. Anyway, yes, Secluded and Obscured ended happily, and this probably will too, because I'm a sucker for romance. This will probably be shorter too. Thanks for the review! Kisses!  
Love-fool: Ah, Amy. How quickly I amuse you. Did I mention I love your little sneaker butt off? I DO. I HOPE your enticed, because if you aren't, there is just no point, my dear greenery. Continue soon I have. LOOK! Oh, yes. Right. Love, hugs, kisses, etc.  
Espanachicana: Being part of the sisterhood is fool proof! Review my story five times, and you are automatically a shoe. But worry not my dear friend! I'm going to count your review from Secluded and Obscured, just because I love you so much! So now all you need is three more, which should be easy enough. I'll post quickly and start thinking of good names for you. This also gives you time to tell me your favorite kind of shoe, though it may be taken by my sisters. They are shoe people. Don't you know. Anyway, thank you MUCHO for reviewing and I'll continue ASAP. Kisses!  
Caley: It's you again! YAY! More o' my sisters! I'm sad it ended as well. But now I have Senescent to amuse me and my evil mind! FUN! I was going to write another alternate ending for Secluded and Obscured instead of a sequel, but how cheap is that?! Anyway, it has already brought tears to my eyes (several) and I am making myself upset. Oh, well. Kisses!  
Almost-never: Oh, look, it's you! Thanks a bunch, and I shall continue ASAP!!!  
Starcraze: Hey, haven't heard from you in a while! Not since chapter 5 of Secluded and Obscured (which you reviewed three times, by the way). Gee.. that's a while! Anyway, thanks for reviewing. Glad to know you could deal, though I don't know if you'll have to yet. I'm thinking, for once. Kisses!  
PinkPrincess: Sisterhoods living on....what the world needs these days! Glad to see another one of my favorite reviewers returned! Gordo has grown a tad more clueless, I must admit, but hey! WE CAN BLAME EVERYTHING ON LIZZIE!! Fun! I'll update as much as possible, but I can't promise just as fast as Secluded and Obscured. Oh well! My spring break is coming up, so you never know. MUCHO love! Kisses!  
KarasumaFirestorm: Fan fiction can be EVIL at times. YAY! MORE SISTERS! And look! A sequel you can read! I'm glad you like gold. I was hoping I was making a good association with the fire thing. And gold is funky. I do not believe in writing graphic lesbian stuff, because I think it destroys the whole point of just-because-we're-different-doesn't-mean-we're-sickos-who- check-out-the-same-sex thing that homosexuals work really hard for. I mean, I don't care what they do in their own homes, but I'm not interested in writing about it. Probably because it's something I would be really bad at too. Well, in this sequel, Lizzie is a big part, so of course I'll go into it. But I digress. You BETTER do your homework! If you don't...um, I'll be mad! YEAH! Stay in school, kids. Kisses, sister!  
  
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Disclaimer (much to differ from a certain sandal's point of view...): Oh, yes, I own Disney. In fact, I am Walt Disney himself writing about Lizzie McGuire. You bunch of sickos; OF COURSE I DO NOT OWN LIZZIE. If I did, Gordo would be tap dancing on my lampshade right now....  
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I awoke with a curtain of sunshine blinding me. My head pounded with unspeakable pain as I stumbled out from beneath the white comforter. I checked my alarm clock immediately, feeling the heat from my forehead. 11:32 AM. Shit! I remembered vaguely agreeing to meet Gordo for breakfast.  
What does it matter? I thought bitterly. Another scone feast with the topic of Lizzie everywhere. I noticed my answer machine blinking red. I pressed the PLAY button while I entered the kitchen to get coffee. I sipped in the scent as the messages started to babble on.  
"Hey, Miranda? It's Gordo. Um, you didn't meet me for breakfast this morning-" No Duh. "-And I just wanted to make sure everything was, um, okay. Then again, knowing you, you probably just slept in and didn't bother to call knowing I would call now-" How DID he do that? "-yeah, so, call me back as soon as possible. I called the real estate woman and she said-" I pressed DELETE and moved on to the next message.  
"Hey, Randy, It's Parker. Duh. Anyway, Gordo called and said you weren't answering because he's paranoid, so I thought I'd wake you up with the sound of my glorious voice." I snorted at this. "Anyway, I thought we'd catch a flick later or something; maybe get some coffee because of Gordo's new fetish with buying houses of your former friends....well, I wouldn't say former, really, more like your friend who has disappear off the face of this earth. Well, Larry is being a dork, as usual, so I have to go to this stupid convention for his work tomorrow, so if you want any Parker time (as everyone does) you must call soon. I mean, really soon. Like, me trying to get those god damn nicotine patches soon. Okay, so this is a long message, and you're like not answering, so I'm going to hand up now. Bye, and call me!" The answering machine beeped. Wouldn't you know Parker-my-stalker would incidentally move into the same apartment building? It was kind of helpful, actually. Despite her new found cockiness, Parker was very easy to talk to. It was amazing, really.  
I quickly dialed her number.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi," I sighed.  
"What's going on now?"  
"Will you meet me and Gordo for coffee? I don't know if I can handle it," I questioned, actually drinking coffee at the moment. I was slowly becoming an addict.  
"Miranda, I know you love him," Parker said slowly. "But....can you really live like this?"  
"No," I replied, pouring more coffee into my cup quickly. "But I can't live without him! I don't know. Just help me out here?"  
"Of course," She said quietly. "I'll be over in five. Call Gordo and tell him to meet us later. And Miranda?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You're not helping it any, just living with it. You need to TELL him," With that, she hung up. Parker wasn't the type to say good bye. She once told me she thought it cluttered the impact of her words on people. I guess it does.  
I gulped down the current mug of coffee while I dialed Gordo's number. I poured another mug as it rang. Don't pick up, don't pick up...  
"Hello?," His voice came.  
"Hi, Gordo," I laughed weakly.  
"Just woke up?"  
"You could say that," I nervously took another sip of coffee. "Do you want to meet me for coffee later?"  
"Well, sure," He sounded like he was smiling.  
It was so difficult sometimes. There were times Gordo made me feel like I was the only woman he would ever love in the entire universe, passed Pamela Anderson and Tyra Banks, passed Parker, passed even Lizzie.  
And then there were times my heart took a suicidal dive, leading myself on. There was a distant look in his eye whenever he talked about Lizzie, like he was somewhere else with her. That bunnies-hopping, flower- skipping, sun-shining happiness only those sickening perfect-for-each-other couples ever experience.  
We made our plans quickly and hung up, leaving a sort of ringing in my head, like his voice was still there.  
Romantic, we were not. Even Larry Tudgeman, who, through growing up, people used to point and laugh at on a regular basis, wooed Parker, the un- woo-able. He left her roses, he called repeatedly, and he even sold his Star Wars action figures collection to buy her a diamond ring. They were happy.  
Gordo and I were more of a title. We didn't do anything couple-y, we just were a couple. People never thought "Aw, they're so sweet" when they walked by. It wasn't apparent at all we were engaged but the ring.  
There was a knock on the door, interrupting my thoughts. I opened it quickly as Parker came in.  
"Do you have any gum? I'm dying here," She greeted me.  
"Uh, I think I have some Orbit or something," I said uncertainly, digging through the mess on the coffee table.  
"A word of advice; Never smoke," Her eyes darted around nervously. "I can't go a second without something to do with my hands." She fiddled with her purse.  
"I'm proud of you for quitting," I said, handing her a pack of gum. She automatically stuck five pieces in her mouth. "Keep it."  
"So...I never went to Lizzie's house. At least I don't remember it. Is it nice?," She questioned through a mountain of sticky white mint flavoring.  
"It's very..welcoming," I struggled for a word.  
"Ah. In other words, a family house," She nodded knowingly. She stared at my clothes. "Are you still in your pajamas?"  
"Yeah," I said absent-mindedly, my thoughts back at Gordo.  
"You're not doing anything wrong, you know," She dug her fingernails into her own palm. "It's Gordo's fault he's thinking of-oh, god damn it, where's my stress ball when I need it?!"  
"I MUST be doing something wrong," I sighed.  
"No, no you're not. Trust me. Gordo's just being an ass, for God's sake! You have to set rules down for men, or they'll just walk all over you," Parker said knowledgeably, squeezing her purse tightly.  
"He wouldn't be thinking of Lizzie if he was thinking of me! I must do something," I said determinedly.  
Actions, supposedly, speak louder than words. So why is it whenever someone says "I must do something", everything crashes from there?  
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A/N: All other's who reviewed the last chapter, I'll thank you next chapter since I didn't have time to add you in. Love you like a hipster should!  
"Love is something eternal...The aspect may change, but not the essence."-Vincent Van Gogh 


	3. Stress and Balls

A/N: Goodness. I just sort of decided I wanted to update for kicks. These author notes are REALLY old, mind you, so what I'm telling you might've changed.  
  
See the light: I said at the end of Secluded in Obscured in the last author notes (though I didn't expect anyone to read lol) that Lizzie is indeed all the way lesbian. I'm glad your happy I wrote a sequel! That's the best things about you guys....I wave my magic author wand, and you like me! :::sniff:: you really like me! MUCHO thanks for the review, MUCHO.  
  
Jennavette: Spiffiness is life. I feel super bad for Miranda too ( but I'll deal, because I wave my magic author wand and everything's BEAUTIFUL. Or not. We'll see. I update ASAP all the time ::has bragging rights:: so you don't have to worry.  
  
Baby-Angel aka Lala: You're back, my fabulous question lovie. Of course they'll be happy..or NOT. BWA HA. I love doing that. Don't worry about it, lamb. Thanks bunches for reading!  
  
CaptainLavender: Dude..cool pen name. Oh, yes, anyway, thank you for reviewing. I like reading M/G fics personally, but on the show its more me yelling "GET TOGETHER WITH LIZZIE!" at the screen. I'm weird like that. MUCHO thank you for the review, MUCHO woman. Stress on the MUCHO.  
  
Mochaccino: HEAR THAT EVERYONE???? SHE READ MY BEST FIC EVER AND LIKED IT!!!! This kid is going places, I swear. Hello. Newbie, you are, and a cool one at that. I'm glad you want to be part of the Sisterhood, because it is about the coolest thing ever! You can put your little title in your bio, you can wear hip shoes, you can wear buttons that say "I AM A SISTA, MISTA!" Ooh, yes. Five reviews and your in, kid. I like calling you kid, for some reason. Here's lookin' at you, kid. I like that, kid. Well, yes, you can only call someone a goat so much. Kisses!  
  
Hiddenwriter: The reason Lizzie is out of their lives is because they went their separate ways....again. And now that Gordo has become a Lizzie fanatic, Miranda is rekindling her horrid feelings towards Lizzie, which is really unfortunate. And now I definitely remember reading your stories and liking them. Which was it..Ah, yes! I read How Did We Get Here? NOW I remember! Yes, well, very hip, friend. Hip factor. Well, thanks and love!  
  
PinkPrincess: I'm glad you liked this chapter! I've tried to read your new story, but fan fiction won't let me ::glare:: but form what I understand it's cute. I'll review ASAP. SHOE SISTERHOOD FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nahima Tala: I never get sick of hearing from you, dude. Unfortunately, I'm being lazy and not responding in long responses for this chapter. But sounds funky, do e-mail, and thanks a bunch! WE SISTAS!!!  
  
Espanachicana: third review...don't think I'm not keeping track! Or is it fourth..oh, crap. Oh well. Third, I believe. You are an addict. MY MISSION IS COMPLETE! Thanks for review, chica, MUCHO thanks.  
  
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The café was a tiny little place, with round tables with iron vines curling up the sides. Fountains surrounded it, allowing water to billow out of the stone plumbing. At night it was lit by candles and in the day, we depended solely on the sunlight filtering through the tainted glass.  
  
I loved that café. I liked to sit there, drinking my cup after cup of coffee and just watch people walk by. At better times, Gordo and I had fun counting how many minutes each car had to stay at the traffic light.  
  
"Did you know the average person spends two weeks waiting for the light to change?," He complained. That's a lot of life to waste.  
  
I have a sort of phobia against wasting life away. It was a small insomniac habit at one point, but now it was a full blown issue. I was terrified of time and death. Between coffee bean to coffee bean, I prayed for life. For one breath to another, it was a game of walking on hot coals. Life was just a game. Love was just a game.  
  
If there is a God, he'll let me win.  
  
"Miranda," Gordo said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. "Did you get my message? About the house?"  
  
"No," I responded innocently. Parker glanced at me sideways, but occupied herself with a hackie sack Gordo found. She squeezed it tightly as Gordo gave me a suspicious glance.  
  
"Well, it is looking good," He smiled.  
  
"Great," I said with the best fake genuine smile I could muster.  
  
Parker bit her lip nervously and threw the hackie sack back at Gordo.  
  
"You okay, Park?," I questioned.  
  
"No," She said panicked. "I need my stress ball. I don't need a god damn BAG OF BEANS. I NEED A STRESS BALL." As if on cue, our waiter came up.  
  
"May I help you?," He asked politely.  
  
"Have any balls?," Parker questioned, nervously picking at her napkin.  
  
"Excuse me?," He blinked.  
  
"Stress balls, idiot; you know, something I can squeeze so I can have something to do with my god damn HANDS?," She ripped the napkin in half.  
  
"She just quit smoking," I explained to him quietly.  
  
"Must you put my emotions down to my bad habits? God!," She played with the lose threads at the end of the ripped napkin.  
  
"Um...I could get you a Flamingo Passion," The waiter suggested uncertainly. "It's the special...it's got strawberries and..."  
  
"Did you know flamingoes are pink because they eat shrimp?," Gordo offered.  
  
"I don't want your damn flamingoes!," Parker cried. "I want to kill someone!" It was at this point any hope that was left went downhill.  
  
"Well, miss, um..I'm going to have to ask you to calm down..," The waiter looked at me helplessly.  
  
"You know what? Screw you, buddy!," Parker threw her napkin on the table. "Screw the male population!"  
  
"Parker!," I whispered loudly.  
  
"What?," She snapped. I dug through her purse and handed her the pack of gum. "Oh, thank GOD!" She immediately stuck the entire pack in her mouth, tearing away at the wrappers like a wolf.  
  
"Can I get anyone anything?," The waiter asked helplessly.  
  
"Yeah, coffee please," I replied.  
  
"Did you know..."  
  
"Probably not, Gordo," I said, annoyed. He silently held his tongue, the only sound now at our table Parker's furious chewing.  
  
Minutes later, the waiter came back, placing my coffee down, then politely scurrying off at a glance from Parker. It was not a happy place to be.  
  
"You know, the high school reunion is coming up soon," Gordo rubbed his hands together. "I'd love to see Ethan Craft again; I bet he's working at a gas station in Texas or something with a pregnant, disgruntled wife.. And children with pet sticks. I bet his children play with sticks."  
  
"Do you think, Gordo, that I'm in the state of mind to let people SEE me like this?!," Parker cried. Forgetting for a minute he was most likely desperately in love with someone else, I squeezed his hand in a sympathetic way.  
  
Granted, I didn't want to go to the high school reunion either. There were people there I would have never thought of seeing again. People would shoot me hideous glares that just screamed 'you're with the wrong person'. I felt the tears swelling up in my eyes already.  
  
"Larry will probably want to go," Parker said, her psycho tone suddenly disappearing. "So maybe I WILL go. Maybe Kate will be there." She let out a sickly cackle. "I hope SHE'S the pregnant, disgruntled wife.. She has hell to pay."  
  
"Lizzie might be there too," I said suddenly in monotone. Gordo seemed to see glory in this.  
  
"Oh, that will be cool! Think, the three amigos reunited.. With slightly changes, naturally," He smiled, taking my hand. I melted.  
  
"Yeah, cool," I said mechanically. Don't let go of my hand, please don't let go of my hand.. He let my hand fall as his attention turned to Parker.  
  
"Where IS Larry?," He questioned, as if he had been the topic the entire time.  
  
"Um.. Elsewhere," Parker shrugged, waving her hand. "I let him loose this morning, and he hasn't been back since." I gave a half-hearted laugh, knowing it would seem appropriate. Plus, Parker was on the brink, and not laughing at her jokes might destroy her completely.  
  
It's just an endless cycle, I realized. I love him, I love him not. When is this flower going to run out of petals? 


End file.
